Furball Frankie

I has tried many places in my home, for sits. My hooman's food room, near the thing that goes 'ding'. Under the table in the main room. On the soft things, on the big, long chair. By the windows, in both the main room and my hooman's napping room. In my favourite box. On my big bed... which I think the hooman thinks is his. But I has found a new place - on the bottom of the long, tall thing. I like it here. I feel safe. I can crouch down and make myself into a little loaf. This is my new, favourite place. I shall have lots of sits here.

Sometimes I has a hungry between my main food. Sometimes I needs snacks. If this happens, I try to get my hooman's attention and alert him to this urgent situation. This happened today. My hooman was in his napping room, so I jumped on the bed, purring, with my tail held high. I meowed to let him know that snacks were needed. I nose-nudged him in the face. I rubbed against him. I let out a 'mrrrrrrp!' I gave him some gentle catty headbutts. I walked up and down him, purring some more. I let out a more urgent meow. Finally he said 'come on then', got up, walked towards the snacks, and said 'Dreeeaaamies!' in a very high voice. Bit weird. Then he gave me snacks in my food bowl. I had a happy.

I had a lot of catty energy today. I had to get rid of some. I ran to the hooman's food room. Then I ran to the big room, with the long, soft chair. Then I ran to the hooman's napping room. Then I ran to the room where the hooman does wees. Then I ran to the bit that's in the middle of these rooms. Then I ran back to the hooman's food room. Then I ran to the hooman's napping room again. I stopped for a bit, stared at my hooman, and said 'mrrrrrrp!' My hooman said 'What are you doing, you nutter?' Then he tried to stroke my head... but I said 'mrrrrrp!' again, and ran to  the bit in the middle of the rooms. Then I hid in a box for a bit.

I likes to help my hooman wherever I can, by sitting on him to keep him warm, by meowing loudly when I has had a poo, by watching out of the window to protect him from naughty birds and squirrels. I also like to help him when he's doing other things too, like cleaning stuff in my home. I feel it is my catty duty to assist him in the inspection of cupboards and drawers, to make sure they're as they should be. I did this today - inspecting five cupboards. It was hard work, looking at everything and sniffing it, but I managed it. Once I was done, my human stroked my head, said 'good boy', and gave me some treats. After my treats, I had a good wash. Then I ran around for a bit. Then I had a nap. A good day's work.

Sunday is a busy day for me. I has lots of chores to get done. First I has a good wash. Then I has a nap. After that I crunch some catty biscuits. Then I has a nap. I stare out of the window a bit, looking for birds. Another nap. I spread bits of my wee tray all over the place. More napping. After that nap, I run from room to room, for no reason in particular. A further nap. I then shred some furniture with my claws. One final, long nap. Sunday can be a very hard day for me.

As I've lived with my hooman, he's brought more and more stuff into my home. Big tall things on which he stacks stuff, big chairs, one really long chair, a big thing which shows lots of pictures that move, and a thing that goes in the middle of the room that he puts other things on. But more recently, he's added some new stuff - soft things that go on the big, long chair that are really comfy for taking naps on. He has about five of these soft things now, and I has tested them all out. I now has a favourite one and, when I feel like spending time with my hooman, I like to curl up on it. Then I show him my fluffy belly and give him the honour of stroking it. I'm very pleaed with my human for bringing these soft things into my home. I hope he gets more of them, so I can test them out for naps.

I likes getting strokes from my hooman, and it's nice to curl up next to him, but I then smell of hooman. This means I has to wash myself, so that I smell catty again. This is quite a big task. It starts with my feets. First I do my front feets, giving them a good, long lick. Then I lick one of my front feets and use it to wipe over my ears and head, to make them clean. After that, I do my back feets - stretching them out to reach them properly. When I've finished with them I lick my chest, with is tricky, followed by my side. Finally, I lick my belly, which takes a bit longer as it's very fluffy. Then I relax and curl up for a nap - washing is tiring.

It's hard sometimes, being as smart as I is - able to write in hooman language. I don't think my hooman understands just what a gifted cat I am. I has been working hard this week, coming up with new things to write and making lots of notes. It's tricky holding a pen between my paws, but I manage it. The only thing that's annoying is that my hooman keeps coming into the room and interrupting my catty thoughts and note-taking... and my time on the compooter. I have stressed to him, with blinks, that I need this time alone. Catty genius needs time to develop and grow... plus regular amounts of toona. I shall end this post as I need to compose a new song: a careful blend of meows and mrrrps.

I am aware that my hooman feeds me, gives me pets, keeps my poo and wee box tidy, and gives me snacks... but these are things any good hooman should do for us superior beings. As my great great great great great great great great great great grandkittyma once said; 'All hoomans are here to serve cats - they should be honoured to be in our presence'. But I do like to show my hooman that I care for him, for example, by weaving in and out between his legs whenever he tries to walk anywhere, or by sticking my fluffy butt in his face. The last few days, I has noticed that my human had a poorly. He barely left the bed (well, he did once, but was back again much sooner that I thought he'd be), and just wasn't acting the same. It seemed that my hooman had a sad. So, I did what any good cat should do, and curled up next to him as much as possible, to show my catty understanding of hooman suffering. It also meant that I got plenty of head strokes, ear scritches, and chin tickles....

I had a very exciting, scary, confusing, terrifying, thrilling, strange day today. I don't know how to feel. My hooman did something different - he opened 'the door that shall not be opened'... the door to the outside. And he didn't try to stop me going out of it, by putting his bottom paws in the way, like he usually does. So, I sniffed the air a little bit, swished my tail, and went outside. And there was so much to take in. My little catty brain nearly went pop! So many sniffs, sights, sounds... I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go first. I crept along, low down, as I had a scary. I sniffed some bushes. They smelled of other cats. Then I went further... then a little further... then a little further, until I found a big tangled bush to hide under. My hooman was still near me, so I meowed at him. I came out from under the bush and decided to make myself big and scary, so I floofed up my tail and my back. Then I went under a hedge and found a roa...

I has many favourite spots to sit and nap in - some boxes in my home, some chairs, sometimes on the bed, sometimes on top of where my hooman puts the things he wears. But twice, I has chosen one particular spot - sat on my hooman. This is good, because my hooman is made of warms, and it also means I gets lots of head, chin, and cheek rubs, and strokes on the back. I feel my hooman should be honoured when I choose to sit on him. I just sat on him for a little while, then he did something very wrong - he moved slightly. This offended not only me, but all of my ancestors, going back to the times in a land I believe was called 'Egypt' - when we were seen as gods... as we should be. I let my hooman know he had offended my and my ancestors, with a loud meow, and by running off. I then went to my food bowl, to demand food. This is the only way my hooman could make up the offence he had just caused. He filled my food bowl. I has decided to forgive him, on this occasion.