Furball Frankie

There is many important parts to a cat. My eyes, triangle ears, feets, belly, and tail is all important. But possibly my most importantest part is my sensitive little catty nose. It tells me whether things are good or not - whether there's danger or foods. This is why everything that comes into my home must pass the sniff test. If it's bags, they'll get sniffed. If it's a box, it'll get sniffed. If it's foods, it'll definitely get sniffed. If it's clothes, it'll get sniffed. I has to be sure that it's safe or good before it's allowed in my home. Even my hooman gets sniffed. If he's been around other cats I walk away and show him my bum. Sniffing is an essential part of life for all kitties.

Kitties - let's admit it; it's hard to train our hoomans. Very often they don't understand the most basic of commands. How hard is it to recognise 'I has a hungry' or 'These sheets don't smell right'? But with patience, it is possible to get results. He's not quite fully there, but I'm getting my hooman to speak 'Meow'. He now understands the following: - 'More belly rubs, please - keep going' - 'I need snacks...now!' - 'My wee tray is in an unacceptable state' - 'Quick, follow me' - 'I'm napping - go away' Actually, he doesn't fully understand that last one; sometimes he still annoys me while I'm napping. It's been hard work though. I hope he continues to learn; it can only be good for both of us.

Hoomans are so weird. Well, mine is. He likes to stroke my head - I get that. He likes to give ear scritches - I get that. But he has one particular obsession. He likes to touch my nose. Why? He gives it gentle rubs, and that's okay. But he often likes to just touch it and say 'boop'. What is boop? Why does he make this sound? Why does he combine it with touching my nose? What does he mean when he says my nose is very boopable? I can't work him out sometimes.

I do like my hooman at times. From his hands come good things; petting, strokes, scritches, food, snacks, poop cleaning. ...and he does give really really good scritches. In fact, he came home yesterday and I greeted him with lots of chat about how busy my day was, then flopped onto my side. I rolled over so that my belly was on show, and got goooooooood belly rubs. I was very happy. Then he started giving face and ear scritches. I was really enjoying myself. But, as sometimes happens with us kitties, I got too excited - my little catty brain was in overdrive. So I opened my mouth and had a little nibble of his hand. It was only for a second. Then I realised what I'd done, was really sorry, and licked his hand to show I didn't mean any harm. Then I rolled over to show more of my belly. I has to remember: hooman hand is not food.

Can't a kitty get a little peace? I was looking for places to cool down. My hooman had the whirring thing on, but it wasn't enough. I found a good spot to cool my belly fluff though - on the floor of our napping quarters. But I couldn't just relax. My hooman kept coming into the room and squeaking 'You're soooooo cute, Frankie!' Then he'd stroke my back and smoosh my face...which I was too hot for. Then he'd say 'Stay there', point his phone at me, and take thousands of pictures. I know this because he showed them to me. Idiot. All I'm doing is lying down, trying to get cool. I'm not doing anything remotely interesting. I just want to be left alone to cat. I have made a note of all this. I shall present him with my bum at 4am.

I already has a hot. But my hooman has made things worse. He's put a big whirring thing in the food room. It's huge and noisy. I meowed my protests to my hooman, but he simply said; 'It's a dehoomidifier, Frankie - to get rid of the moisture from the leak' I blinked at him, but didn't know what he meant. The problem is, this big whirring thing pumps out a lot of heat too. The food room is now so hoomid. It's almost tropical. I is scared I might see a distant cousin, like a jaguar, in there. Or maybe parrots will appear. I can't jump up on the surfaces now. It's too much effort. I has moved to the big, long, soft chair, in the main room. It's got a shiny surface, so it's vaguely cool. I want this 'dehoomidifier' gone. Too much noise. Too much warms.