Furball Frankie

Many things happen at this time of year. Many things change. But napping is as important now as ever. However, it's not just the napping itself, but the position I takes up. My little catty nose is very sensitive and gets cold very quickly. Therefore it's very important that I positions myself in such a way that it's covered. My favourite thing to do is to bury my nose in my side and cover it with my tail. This ensures maximum kitty nose warmth. Sometimes I covers it with my paws too, but this is mainly just to look cute and get attention from my hooman.

Today is an important day for me. In fact, it's an important day for all kitties. It's National Cat Day. It's a day when we sharpen our collective claws and leave our mark on soft chairs. It's a day when we eat extra treats, gained through the cuteness of our meows, or even a little 'mrrrrrp' or two. It's a day when we has three poos, to give our hoomans extra work to do. It's a day full or pre-nap naps, naps, and post-nap naps. It's a day full of ear scritches, and - if you can resist bunny kicking - belly rubs. It's a day when we should be honoured. It's a day when we should be worshipped. So, in many ways, it's much like most other days. And now the planning for International Cat Day, next summer, begins...

It is very important to approach every Sunday with a carefully considered plan. This is mine: Nap. Check on hooman, if breakfast isn't served on time. Stick nose and paws in his face if he's running late. Eat. Nap. Await hooman's arrival. Roll over and show belly. Look cute. Receive belly rubs. Stretch out to show happiness. Nap. Stretch. Nap. Await hooman's arrival. Roll over and show belly. Look cute. Receive belly rubs. Stretch out to show happiness. Get up. Meow for a bit. Eat biscuits. Nap. Await hooman's arrival. Roll over and show belly. Look cute. Receive belly rubs. Stretch out to show happiness. Big stretch. Nap. Turn around. Nap. Await hooman's arrival. Roll over and show belly. Look cute. Receive belly rubs. Stretch out to show happiness. I like to make sure my Sundays are as full as possible.

I think my hooman may be my second favourite hooman today. Why? Because another hooman came round to visit me, and she brought me lots of goodies. Having a sniff of her, she smelt of other cats. Using my sensitive smell profile, I built a picture in my head and I think she might be Coco's hooman. She brought me all sorts of things; some snacks, a soft blanket, a scratchy thing (although I much prefer to destroy my hooman's stuff), some toys, and some strange looking springy things. I has a happy. I'm not sure what the springy things are yet, but they make me feel like doing a pre-pounce butt wiggle, so they may be interesting. My hooman will now have to work hard to win back my affection, as I like this other, kind hooman. Anyway... nap time.      

My hooman has a specific room for napping in - his napping quarters. I has also noticed that he only naps at certain hours. Whereas I nap throughout the day and night (I has to get my full 16 hours in or I'm simply too tired), my hooman only naps during the hours of darkness - very strange. But... I likes his napping quarters - they is very comfy. So I often get to his main napping spot before him. Then I has a cosy. My hooman will come to his napping spot, but he then has to nap in a position that suits me - that fits around me. It's fine if his position gives me extra warms and allows him to stroke my head and back, and even give me belly rubs... but he cannot move me. That's the rule - let sleeping cats lie. So, sometimes he gets to his napping spot first and I join him. Sometimes I'm already in his napping spot and he just has to figure a way to fit in without disturbing me.  

There is many things I don't understand about hoomans. One of those things is why they're so big - so tall. What's the point in being that big? How do they crouch down and pounce on things? How do they hide in boxes or behind chairs? How do they curl up and keep their nose warm while sleeping? How do they jump up onto things, like window sills? How do they manage to wash their feets? How do they squeeze through gaps in fences? Don't they get dizzy being that far up? Life must be so confusing up there. Much better to be small and fluffy, like me.  

It is Sunday. This means tomorrow is Monday. If I ignores it, it will go away. So I has decided to shut out the world. I is now one fluffy ball. Nothing can get to me. That is all. Bye.    

I has come to a conclusion: I is a very handsome cat. Below is a photo of me, looking at my feline best. I believe I should be a catty model. I is a sleek, shiny panther. My hooman should get me my own photoshoot and I should appear on the front cover of glossy magazines. Lady cats should form an orderly queue. They don't need to worry about my wandering paws as somebody chopped my bits at some point. I should have fame though, and maybe appear in some films. It's hard being such a handsome panther... and being this modest too.

Aside from napping, and sitting on things that my hooman is looking at, I has another important duty. I has to check up on my hooman, during the course of the day, and make sure he is okay and that he doesn't need my help in some way. I does this by jumping up onto the table or the bed, depending on where he is, and seeing what he's up to. It's essential that I do this. I have to see: Does he smell right? Does he have foods? Can I eat these foods? What exactly is he doing? Can I get in the way of this? What is he using? Should I sit on it? Does he have enough of my scent on him? It is vital that all of the above is confirmed. I cannot get on with my other catty duties until I have inspected my hooman. This happens three to four times per day, as standard.    

Every cat knows to do this... If your hooman is working on something, or looking at something, it is a cat's sacred duty to stand or sit on that thing. This ensures the hooman's full attention is on us, as the master of our home, and not on something far less important. Sitting on the thing the hooman is focused on takes patience. It's possible that, being smaller than your hooman, you will be picked up and moved a few times. It's important to be persistent and keep returning to sit on that thing, and to look cute too. It may well be that the hooman makes a huffing noise or says 'for duck's sake', like my hooman sometimes does. Today I successfully sat on a scrunchy, scratchy paper thing several times. My hooman said 'Frankie, that's my notes'... but I just blinked at him and made myself into a catty loaf. He moved me a couple of times, I came back, and he said 'I give up'. Then he gave me chin scritches. After a while, I was comfortable,...

It's Sunday. I is having sits. I is having thinks. I often do this at this time of the week. I has a big week ahead, with lots of important cat stuff to do. I has to think of what to do and when. I has to think how I is going to fit it all in. This is tiring. It makes me do big yawns. Just my napping schedule alone is looking pretty hectic. Also, there's a new, empty box in my home. It needs testing out. I has to allow time for this. Usually I attack the curtains on Tuesday, but I might have to push that back to Wednesday. It's hard fitting all of this in.

That frustrating little red creature - the one I can't catch... I has found out where it lives. It lives in a small, black, round thing... which must be a teeny tiny cave. I know this because this round thing has a dangly bit attached to it, which makes a little jingly jangly noise when it's moved. I'm alerted to this when my hooman touches it and I hear the sound. Then I becomes interested. Then I becomes excited. My little catty eyes grow big. My ears twitch. I look all around me for the creature. My hooman then makes a silly sound 'hahahaha!'... Then, suddenly, the tiny red creature appears - speeding along the floor. I chases it to one end of the room and just misses catching it. Then it goes to the other end, so I chase it there. Then it climbs the walls and I try to paw it off... but I just miss it. I will get it one day. I know I will. I will make it my life's mission. The tiny red creature shall be mine...

I likes looking at things... like random spots on the walls. I also likes looking at my hooman, for a long time - studying him. I wonder... Why aren't his ears triangles? Why are they on the sides of his had and not at the top? Why is his nose so big? Why aren't his teeth sharp? How does he kill his prey? Why don't his claws retract? Why is he largely furless? I stare at him. He stares at me. I stare at him. He stares at me. I stare at him. He stares at me. I gets bored. I blinks.

I has a confused. I has a vexed. My hooman came in to see me before, in his napping quarters. And a creature seemed to follow him in. A tiny creature. A tiny, bright red creature. It shot out in front of me, so I tried to catch it between my paws. Then it zoomed off to the left, so I ran after it. I thought I'd caught it, but suddenly it appeared on my right. I ran over to it, engaged my butt in a pre-pounce wiggle, and pounced. I thought I had it again, but it reappeared in front of me. It ran past me a few more times, but I just couldn't hunt it down. This little red creature appears to be mocking me. It'll learn. I'll catch it soon.

When I nap, I likes to nap properly. It's an important part of a cat's life. In fact, it's essential. If I don't nap enough, I haven't got the energy left for zoomies, scratching soft chairs, or randomly biting my hooman's feet. So, it's crucial to do all that's necessary for full nap catisfaction. Sometimes my hooman will disturb my naps by giving me belly rubs, trying to stroke my face, or making that 'mwah!' noise on my head. This is when I use my tried and tested move: I puts my paw (or paws) over my face and covers my eyes, to say 'no thank you, world - not today'. Doing this blocks out the light and also blocks out my hooman's attempts to wake me. It also makes me look incredibly cute... but then that causes problems, as my hooman tries to do the 'mwah!' thing even more. It's a hard life, being a cat...

I likes sitting or napping on my own, curled up, and I do this most of the time. But every now and then I likes to get extra pats and strokes from my hooman... and I like the heat he gives off. So I goes and sits on him - because he's made of warms. I settle down on his big belly - the warmest part - and stretch myself out. It's nice and comfy, and I get head strokes, back strokes, chin scritches, and ear scritches. I think you hoomans have to turn on those things on the wall, to get heat. I don't have to do that - I just use my own hooman. Thank you hooman, for being made of warms.