Furball Frankie

My hooman likes to give me pets - belly rubs, head strokes, back strokes, ear scritches, chin scritches. But, if I has one complaint, it's that he often does it with just one hand... yet he has two. If he uses both hands, I can get both belly rubs and chin scritches at the same time. Or I can get double ear scritches - heaven. He can even hold my little catty face in both hands, so I can rest my chin on him... but when he does this, he often does a 'Mwah!' on my head... not so good. He has been blessed with two hands though, so I think it's only right that he uses both of them to show me affection. One hand just isn't quite enough.

I has made it my duty to look after my hooman again today. This means staying close to him and helping out wherever I can. This afternoon, I decided to help out by checking whether gravity might affect certain items he was using. At first I checked the red pen, and... plop... it fell off the table. I checked the black pen, and... plop... it fell off the table. I checked the big, bright yellow thing (might've been another pen), and... plop... it fell off the table. I checked the little yellow pad, and... plop... it fell of the table. All in all, I think I checked nearly 10 items. Some of them I had to check for a second time, just to be sure. I'm glad I could be so useful to my hooman today.

I has sits. I has thinks. What should I do? Should I claw the soft chairs? Should I clean my back feets? Should I chat with my hooman? Should I bat a pen off the table? Should I demand a second dinner? Should I run to the other room for no reason? So many decisions to make. So little time. It's been a hard day.

I is a fussy cat. I has a very discerning palate. I knows what I do and don't like. And I has had a change of mind... or of taste. I liked the food my hooman kept putting out for me, for breakfast and dinner, up until a week ago. Then it suddenly tasted a bit yucky... so I stopped eating as much of it, or just licked a bit of the jelly off the top. My hooman tried to get me to eat more, by plonking me near my bowl, but I simply sniffed it and walked away. He's been trying to put it out for me for another week, hoping I'd change my mind, but, nope - I has a yuck. Then, today - excitement. I see that my hooman has finally noticed I has gone off my food, and has bought me a new type of food. I'm not sure if I'll like that either. I shall give it sniffs and give it licks, then let him know.

My hooman is an idiot. He does this thing which I think is called a 'cuddle'. This morning, he wasn't out of his napping quarters in time for my breakfast, so I went to see him, as I has a schedule to keep. I jumped up onto his napping platform, walked over to him, sat next to his head and meowed... then I pawed at his face. He opened his eyes and moved. I had a happy, as this meant breakfast should be on the way, so I started purring. He said 'You're so cute'... then paused and shouted 'Cuddle attack!' He grabbed me and squished me and started say 'Mwah!' I didn't like being squished, so I struggled, then yowled and ran off... then had to wait longer for my breakfast. My hooman has no sense of timekeeping. Then, later on, I was having a nap, minding my own business, when he came into the napping quarters and shouted 'Cuddles!' again. And yet again, he squished me. I meowed in protest, but he didn't listen. Idiot hooman. I is goin...

I likes it when my hooman gets home, having been away for a while. I gets to sniff his legs, then rub against them, so he smells of me. Then I jumps up to nudge his hand with my head. But my favourite thing of all is...face smooshes! I sits in front of my hooman, puts my face forward, he holds it in both hands, then... smoosh! Both fluffy cheeks gets rubbed, and I has a happy. I think I prefer face smooshes to chin scritches. But I don't like them quite as much as belly rubs - that would be silly.

I likes to eat when I has a hungry. Actually, I just likes to eat. But... I don't feel as comfortable eating when my hooman isn't nearby. I likes him to watch me eat, or I won't finish what's in my bowl. Better still, I likes him to stroke my back while I eat - then I finish the whole bowl, right down to the last bit of jelly. But if he's not around then I has a few licks and a few bites of what's in the bowl, then I look around for him... and if he's not there, then I wander off. And if I goes back to the bowl later, the food smells a bit funny. Then I has to have some biscuits, but they're not as nice. Eating is much better when I'm having a fuss made of me.

Something BIG has happened in my home. There's something new - something that wasn't there before. It's a very tall thing - possibly taller than my hooman - with lots of bits sticking out... and it's so shiny! My hooman has got me a giant toy. I wants to pounce on it. Or climb it. I'm not sure which to do first. It looks like a tree. Maybe it has squirrels in it! I must sniff it. I must paw it. Then I must decide on a plan of action. I shall report back on my findings.

I has been enjoying my new blankie more and more. It's definitely my favourite napping spot. It makes me very happy... partly because it takes me back to kittenhood. It makes me remember my mum. In particular it makes me remember how I used to push against her tummy with my little feets, to get more milk. I used to press up and down, up and down. So before I settles down for naps on my blankie, I does this - to calm me down and make me think of kittenhood: I gently presses up and down with my little feets. I usually purr too, as I has a happy. My hooman asks me if I'm 'making biscuits'. I don't know what he means, but am happy to accept him stroking my head and my back.

I has been looking at my bloggings. I has a tired. I has written 122 bloggings. My little furry paws are worn out. My little catty brain hurts. Sometimes it's a struggle to know just what to write to all the kitties and hoomans out there. Actually, it's not that hard - everything that cats do is interesting. In fact, I'm going to rest my tired paws now and eat some biscuits. Then I might stretch and run into the hooman's napping quarters for no reason whatsoever.

I has found a nice new napping spot - a very specific one. I think it comes from Coco's hooman, Karen . I seem to remember her bringing it round. I was having a semi-nap (loaf position, eyes open) in my hooman's napping quarters, when he came over to me and made that stoopid 'mwah' noise on my head. Then he said 'Look, Frankie! Look at this!' He put down a soft looking purple thing - a blanket. It looked nice and cosy, and fuzzy. I got up, did a biiiiiiiiig stretch, walked over to it, and sniffed it. Then I stood on it and walked round in circles a few times. Then I flomped down onto it. It was very soft. I had a happy. I blinked my approval at my hooman... and had a proper nap.

Hoomans has so many strange things they do - so many strange behaviours. My hooman, in particular, has some very odd ones. One of them is that he likes to sing random songs to me, hoping that I'll know what he's on about. Here are some of them: 'Frankie, do you remember me? Frankiiiiiiiie!' (of course I remembers him - he feeds me and scoops up my poo) 'Oh Frankie chops, Frankie chops, Frankie all the way - oh what fun it is to ride on a one cat open sleigh!' 'It must be cats, cats, cats... it must be cats, cats, cats - nothing more, nothing less, Frankie's the besssssst' 'Frankie, Frankie, Frankie the little caaaaaaat - you come and go, you come and gooo-oooo!' 'We wish you a merry Catmas, we wish you a merry Catmas, we wish you a merry Catmas, and a happy new Frankie!' I have absolutely no idea what he means. Sometimes I blinks at him. Sometimes I runs into another room to get away from him. Odd creature.  

I has had a troubling aftenoon. I has been lost in deep thoughts - important thoughts. My little catty brain has been contemplating: Will I ever catch the red dot? What is the point in water? I know I needs it, but why does it taste of nothing? Why isn’t there chicken-flavoured water? How does my hooman cope with only 8 hours of naps? I simply cannot function on less than 16. Why walk on 2 legs? Surely 4 legs give more balance. How do birds and squirrels wash themselves? Why do hoomans eat lots of green things? I only occasionally nibbles a plant if I has a bored, or a sick. Why do only some creatures fly? Why aren't hooman claws retractable? Is it possible to survive without belly rubs? Why don't dogs seem to have any dignity? You has to at least pretend not to like you hooman sometimes. Why aren't there more boxes in the world? Why... I has a tired. Naps needed.

I likes the fact that I gets to use my poo and wee tray and my hooman just cleans it up for me. No fuss. I still has to bury it though. But one thing all cats must do is the post-poo sprint. We has to get as far away from our poo as possible. What if a predator is nearby and can sense us by the scent of our poo? Also, when I does a poo, I feels so much lighter afterwards and I feels the need to run around, from room to room, to take advantage of this lightness. The post-poo sprint is essential. Ask any cat - they'll tell you the same.

I likes to do things with my hooman... when I can be bothered. In the afternoons, he always likes to do the same thing. He makes something he calls 'tea', then says 'Look, Frankie! Biscuits!' But they don't look like biscuits - not like the ones I has, anyway. And I've sniffed them - they don't smell of chicken. That seems like a waste of biscuits to me. When my hooman has his biscuits, I go over and have some of my own - chicken ones... or sometimes toona - as part of a bonding experience. It's important that we both has our biscuits in the afternoon. He munches his. I munch mine. We both has a happy.

I don't know what is happening. I has a confused. Last night and tonight, there has been lots of noise outside. There has been big bangs, and screeches, and crackles. I has been on high alert. My little catty ears has been twisting back n forth. They hurt. I don't like all the loud noises. They scare me. I had to hide at the back of a drawer, on some of my hooman's clothes. He came over to me and said 'it's alright, Frankie', and stroked my head and ears. I don't know what the hoomans is doing outside, but I don't like it.

I does lots of things when I has a happy. I purr. I 'mrrrrp'. I nap on my hooman. I give my hooman catty headbutts. I roll over and show off my fluffy belly. One of my favourite things though, is to lift my equally fluffy butt in the air. This is especially nice if I then get tail scritches. Mmmmm, I likes tail scritches. Tail scritches are second only to ear scricthes and will result in my butt lifting. Happy kitty.