Furball Frankie

I was having a wander last night. I was bored. I went to see where my hooman was. Now I want to make it perfectly clear — I am not, I repeat, NOT...a lap cat. It's not my thing. I has far too much pride. But my hooman did look nice, and squishy, and soft, and warm. So I jumped up onto the big, long, soft chair to join him. I stepped onto his legs. I had sniffs. Yup - this would do. I turned around five times, then felt it was time to settle. I settled in his lap. It was warm. I got lots of fuss and had a mini-nap. I hope my hooman doesn't get used to it though — it won't be happening often.    

I has an extra cute today. I knows this. So I went and found my hooman. He was sitting on the big, long, soft chair. He was watching the big, bright screen. I felt I should have attention. I sat in front of him and stared at him. I was demanding pets. A minimum of 5 head strokes and 6 ear scritches. I kept staring. I let out a little mrrrrp. I let out a squeaky meow. My hooman said 'Okay then, fluffy chops'. Then he gave me lots of head strokes, oodles of ear scritches, and some chin rubs. This was good, but not enough. I stayed where I was and stared at him again...            

For dinner I was hungry. My hooman put out food, while I jumped up and headbutted his hands. He put it out. I had sniffs. Duck! I tucked in. Munch, munch, munch, munch. When I finished, I washed my front feets so they smelt of duck. Then I had a hungry again. Time for pudding! There was a big bowl of chicken biscuits, so I moved on to this. After I was finished, I was full up. I meowed my satisfaction, then went for a nap.

I know when a catty poo is coming. I feels all heavy. I has a lethargic. I is sluggish. So I make my way over to my poo tray, then I dig, dig, dig...to find a comfy spot. Then I poo. Often my hooman looks over at me, so I avoid eye contact - the weirdo. Then I finish my poo, and... I run, run, run, run. Run, run, run, run. Run, run, run, run. Run, run, run, run. I feels 10,000 pounds lighter, so I keep running. Then I stop and wash my paws.

Every so often, I undertakes essential kitty duties in my home. Today was one of those times. I decided to inspect my hooman's food room. It was fairly routine. Flooring - standard. Worth a sniff. Some stray scraps here and there. Corners - not quite dark or cosy enough for my liking. Upper surfaces - quite a jump up. Ample walking space, but a bit dull. Something in a pot which made me sneeze. Sink area - some left over milk, in a bowl, which I lapped up. Cupboards - decent size. Can fit a whole cat. Drawers - access to the back area, leading into the cupboards. A bit too full of stuff to sit in properly. 2 stars out of 5. Must do better.  

Hooman! It's been 47 million minutes since I last looked in here. Anything could've happened. Anything could be happening right now! Fairies and pixies could be flying around, ready to be swatted. There could be all sorts of shadows to chase. Maybe there are new, magical meeces scurrying about. Maybe there are red dots to catch. Let me in. Now!