Furball Frankie

I already has a hot. But my hooman has made things worse. He's put a big whirring thing in the food room. It's huge and noisy. I meowed my protests to my hooman, but he simply said; 'It's a dehoomidifier, Frankie - to get rid of the moisture from the leak' I blinked at him, but didn't know what he meant. The problem is, this big whirring thing pumps out a lot of heat too. The food room is now so hoomid. It's almost tropical. I is scared I might see a distant cousin, like a jaguar, in there. Or maybe parrots will appear. I can't jump up on the surfaces now. It's too much effort. I has moved to the big, long, soft chair, in the main room. It's got a shiny surface, so it's vaguely cool. I want this 'dehoomidifier' gone. Too much noise. Too much warms.

I has a hot. It's been a tough day. I has had to have more naps then usual and lots of drinks. I remember this from last year - I think there are more of these days ahead. The only thing to do is flomp onto a soft surface. Actually, the other thing I can do is expose my fluffy belly to the air. This cools me down. It also results in more belly rubs from my hooman. And belly rubs in the heat can actually be quite soothing. But...too many belly rubs is no good. If my hooman's hand is on my belly too long, it gets hot...then I has to bunny-kick him. It's the same when he tries to blow raspberries on my belly. I don't want hot air on me when it's already warm. If he blows raspberries, I bunny-kick his face. I just need the right balance of naps and fuss - that'll get me through the hot months.      

The things I has to go through as a cat... I likes to settle down with my hooman in our napping quarters as it gets late. Sometimes he gets into the bed and I walk around until I find a comfy spot. Other times I already has a comfy spot and he has to find a way to sleep around me. This is the way it should be; my napping spot first, hooman's napping spot second. But he can be difficult to sleep near. Firstly, he wriggles a lot. And he's very lumpy. His feets can cause problems. He's also very noisy. He opens his mouth and makes a lonnnnnnnnnng snorting sound. It's very annoying. It makes the walls rattle. I try to fold down my little catty ears to ignore it. He makes other sounds though - from his bottom. Sometimes it's a 'parp'. Other times it's a loud 'pthbthbthb' sound. And occasionally he says actual words out loud. Nothing that makes any sense - just random stuff. I don't know why he does all of this. I make no sound at all...unless he w...

I need to squash the rumours. I likes to sit in sunbeams. They're nice and they warm my fur. But...something happens when I'm sat in sunbeams. My coat may...I repeat, may...go a slightly different colour. It sometimes shows up as kind of red-ish - some would say ginger. But I want to make it absolutely clear - I'm not a ginger cat. I has more than one brain cell for a start. I am a 100% black cat. Not a Bombay, or anything fancy like that. Just a pure black standard moggy - going all the way back to my great great great great great great grandcat. This is not up for debate. I is a pure mini-panther, no matter what the sun shows.

Hoomans is sneaky. I include my own hooman in this, even though I quite like him. They can sneak up on you any time...particularly during naps, which they apparently find 'cute'. This is why it pays to use a bit of catty side eye, alongside super catty hearing, just to be sure when a hooman is coming. It's very important. Otherwise, you'll be peacefully napping when...your hooman comes along and sticks their face in your belly fur, waking you up, startled. Or they'll come along and ruffle your head and your ears, which requires catty head shakes, to sort the confusion. They may even come up and start giving you unwanted kisses on your little head. Or, worse still, they'll pick you up and kiss you all over, leaving you completely baffled. So...I always keep one eye out for my hooman. I never know when he's coming or what he's got planned.

I likes to look after my hooman. This includes full inspections of the rooms in our home from time to time. Yesterday I conducted a full inspection of his food room. The floor is a bit messy right now, but smelt okay. Sadly there were no stray scraps of food. The lower cupboards smelt okay from the outside. I meowed for access to the inside. Everything seemed in order. Bit of a musty smell. Had to lick a couple of bowls. Then I hopped up to the upper surface. It was a bit gritty under my paws - needs a wipe. Window area is a bit grubby. Faint smell of chicken but no actual chicken. Good height at which to receive ear scritches. Sink area was a bit cold underfoot. Overall, I'd give a rating of 3/5. Could do better, hooman.