Furball Frankie

Today I has sits. Today I thinks. Why aren't all animal ears triangles? It's the best shape for hearing things all around you. Why are hooman ears all weird and round, and on the side of the head? I never see the chicken go into my biscuits — how does it get there? What does my hooman do with all my poo? Where does he take it? Why do some hoomans paint their claws silly colours? Why does it only rain indoors in one room in my home — in the weird, cubicle thing? How does my hooman cope with such little napping time? Why don't all animals meow? It'd be much easier if we all spoke the same language. My hooman tries to meow, but he gets his words muddled up and his accent is terrible. Why do spiders have eight legs? Surely that's too many. Why don't hoomans ever seem to get zoomies? It's a confusing world. I think I'll have another nap.

It is important to keep up certain catty standards - not just for me, but for all of catkind. I is a distinguished kitty. Therefore, I like to show my class whenever I can. I extend this to napping. I has to show that I is a gentlecat - aware of kitty etiquette. So, when I nap - or even just sit in a loaf position - I do so properly. I cross my little kitty feets. I remind myself that I must be very demure, very meowful. In this way, I represent all cats as I should.

I woke up from a nap and found my hooman wasn't next to me any more. I got up, stretched my front feets, stretched my back feets, then went to look for him. I found him in our napping quarters, on our bed. He was staring intensely at something. He was reading. I meowed at him, but he didn't look up. I gave him soft catty headbutts to the face. I pawed at what he was reading. I wasn't getting the full attention I deserved...so I sat on what he was reading. I now had his full attention. I got head pats and ear scritches. I stayed in the same spot. My hooman should know - I'm much more important than any reading.

It's getting cold again. It's getting dark earlier and earlier. My hooman even put on the thing on the wall that makes warms. I like warms. It's lucky I'm covered in fur then. At this time of year, one of my favourite things to do is nap. I like to be as comfy and cosy as possible when I do this. I curl into a little kitty ball to make sure this is possible. But my finishing touch - for maximum warms - is to put my fluffy paws over my face. This also blocks out all of the light. And it makes my hooman say; 'Frankie, you're so cuuuuuuuute!'...which is annoying, as he wakes me up...but then he gives me belly rubs, so all is right with the world again.

I has a little game I like to play with my hooman. I go into his food room, find the loose wooden thingy, and pull it out with my paw. My hooman sees this, makes a huffing noise, and moves it back again. I wait until he's not looking, then pull it out again. A little while later, he huffs and moves it back again. I wait some more...then pull it out again. A little wait...aaaaand he puts it back. I take my time, then pull it out again. This is very important, kitties. Always keep your hooman entertained and stimulated - this is very important for their wellbeing.

I has come up with a plan. My hooman went away and left me. This made me sad. A nice lady hooman did come round to visit me, but I like my own hooman — he gives good scritches and can be pestered into giving out treats. When my hooman came home, he put his bag with lots of clothes in on our bed. This must be how he was able to go away and not wear everything all at once. I immediately sprang into action. As soon as the bag was empty, I sat on it. I sniffed it, then curled up in it for a nap. As long as I'm in it, my hooman can't fill it...which means he can never go away again. Any time I see the bag out on our bed and open, I'm going to nap in it.