Furball Frankie

I is patient. Very patient. I sits, and I waits. My hooman goes tappity tap tap tap on his compooter and I waits. I looks cute. I slow blinks. I gives a squeaky meow. I turns around. I sits again. I huffs. Finally. Finally. Ear scritches.

Napping rituals is very important. It's not just about naps - it's about the quality of the naps. And for this, us kitties has to prepare properly. Not only does I like to nap in my hooman's napping quarters - I also likes things to be just perfect. This means finding the right spot...which starts by smell. I sniffs and sniffs and sniffs, to find the bit that has the right smell of both Frankie and hooman. Then I rubs myself on it. Then I turns around 3 or 4 times. Then I makes a little catty nest. I use my feets to bunch up the sheets into the right shape to meet my napping criteria. This is very important. I can't just plonk myself down and hope to nap. Once the sheets are bunched up correctly, then I can flomp down. It's a delicate process, but very important.

I has been back in my long-forgotten cupboard. It's a good napping spot. It's dark. It's warm. But sometimes it makes weird noises. Sometimes my hooman goes off to do something and the cupboard comes alive. It starts with a 'plink, plink, plink'. Then it builds up. Then it becomes a great big wooshy swooshy sound. What is it? I don't like it. It confuses me. It makes me do airplane ears. I just want to nap - no wooshes, no swooshes.

Sometimes my hooman is so irritating. I looks up at him, lets out a little meow, and waits for pats. Then he looks at me and his forehead wrinkles. He says 'Hang on a minute, Frankie', then goes off to get something. He comes back with a soft, thin, white thing in his hand and says 'Come here, Frankie'. I think he's going to give me fuss...then he puts the white thing in my face. I don't want it there, so I moves my face away. He says 'Stay still Frankie - you've got an eye bogey'. He comes back with the white thing - I duck. He tries again, and I 'mrrrp' and run away. Idiot. I just want fuss and scritches - not the silly, flapping, white thing.

The new sunshine does things to my little catty brain. It makes me think. I likes thinking...mainly about chicken. But I also likes to watch the world go by. I wonder why hoomans eat from a platform and not the floor. I wonder why birds have wings but squirrels don't. I wonder when and where the red dot sleeps. I wonder why my fur looks ginger in the sun. I wonder why my hooman's voice is sometimes so deep yet sometimes so high...and why he still hasn't mastered meowing (he tries, but his accent is awful). I wonder if I'll ever see a toona fish in real life. I wonder how hoomans get by on just 8 hours of naps per day. I wonder why my hooman has fur just on his head, his face, and a little patch in the middle - such an odd design. I wonder why spiders have 8 legs, and why string comes out of their bums. I wonder where my hooman stores all my poo he collects. I wonder, I wonder... It's exhausting.

It's a hard life, being a cat. So many things to consider. I bet hoomans don't even think about some of these things. I has to think about cleanliness when I eats. My face is furry. I can't get my mush stuck in my bowl, otherwise it's a nightmare to get clean. I likes smelling of meat, but only up to a point. So when I eats, I has to pull my whiskers back, pull my ears back, and make sure not to get my catty cheeks in the bowl. Hooman doesn't have to think about this as he uses those metal things: 'nife and furk'. I don't have thumbs though, so I can't do this. I eat from a bowl - like any normal creature does.