Furball Frankie

Hooman was getting ready before. Ready to go out. I know this because he put something extra warm on his top half, jangled his keys, but also got his feets covers ready. This means he is going to be a little while. I meowed my protests - I wanted more head scritches. But he started putting his feets covers on. I wound between his legs and meowed some more. I dropped my keys and said 'Stop it, Frankie, I'll be back soon'. I gave him head scritches, said 'I love you, I'll be back soon, be a good boy' Then he was gone. I licked my front paws, then vowed to do a stinky poo so he had something to do when he got back.

There is something I loves to do...especially when I has a happy. I like to go find my hooman, and sit next to him. Then I get my front feets and pushes up and down on a soft service (a bed, cushions, whatever is there). I push them down one after the other, combined with a happy purr. My human often says 'Frankie! You making biscuits?' No, idiot - I is making a happy. Sometimes I like to be petted on the head while doing my dance. Sometimes I like to be left alone. Dances can last 30 seconds or they can last 5 minutes. Depends how happy I am. It also depends if my hooman disturbs me too much during that time. Happy catty dances are fun. They don't happen all the time, but when they do, be assured that I'm a happy kitty.

Everything in my house is too senstive for my little catty nose today. My hooman's shoes are too stinky. The litter tray needs changing. The bathroom smelt of a strange gel or cream hooman had used. The milk in his cereal didn't quite smell right. Even my fur had an odd smell. I found a non-stinky part of the bed to lie down on. I has raised my concerns with the authorities - let's see what will be done. At the very least, those shoes need to go.

My hooman came home with a big plastic bag and said 'Look, Frankie - fresh sheets!' I wasn't sure what this was but it wasn't ham, as I sniffed it. He took it up to our napping quarters. I stuck my head in the bag and hooman said 'Not yet, Frankie'. He pulled out some rectangular sheets and stuffed things into them. I carried on sniffing inside the bag. There was a bigger sheet, so I pawed at it. 'Yes, that's next', said hooman. He flapped this sheet a lot and made huffing and puffing sounds. Then he got a bigger, heavier sheet and stuck in on the floor. I sat on it. 'That's not helpful', said hooman. He lifted me off and I yowled in protest. He then started stuffing a giant puffy thing into this heavier sheet, then shaking it out. Then he lay it down on the bed, said 'done', and lay on top of it. I joined him, for ear scritches.

Hooman has really lost the plot this time. I've no idea what he's doing. He keeps throwing these weird, coloured springy things in front of me, then saying 'go on, Frankie!' I assume I'm supposed to do something with them. But what? The thing seems devoid of life. It doesn't move on its own. It doesn't fly or run. It just sits there. If it moved like the red dot does then maybe I'd be interested, but 'Nah, not for me'.    

Hooman didn't make anything in the food room tonight. Hooman ordered something on the compooter. Food came. I circled hooman's feet. He opened the box. I jumped up onto the table. I had sniffs. Eugh! It smelt cheesy. No chicken. No prawns. Rubbish. I walked away. Why does he get this stuff? He's a noisy eater too.